The evil worm that gnaws at relationships.
Things begin slowly (they usually do). That first disagreement, that initial irritation - all cast aside in favor of making things work. These small setbacks are cast aside. No not cast aside, but merely hidden away, to be recalled at a later time. They form the foundation for the tower that will encapsulate all the resentment and bitterness towards another person. Because while people can forgive, they rarely forget.
When the relationship comes to a more or less stable point (i.e. the peak of a wave perhaps), and the initial fiery passion is replaced by a sense of peace and harmony, the sinister worm begin its work. First comes awareness. Awareness of the other's wrongdoings. Awareness of your own attempts at taking an extra step in the relationship. And in that process, the awareness leads to a heightened sensitivty which in turns, adds to the increased buildup of resentment. An exponential increase in the rate of buildup of bitterness.
But then there's a barrier. It is supremely rare (and a quality to be treasured for all its worth if it's attained already) to be able to confide in one another about anything and everything. To voice out displeasure at any little thing, and to have the other understanding intuitively. A bond where words give way instinctive empathy. In most other cases, there's that barrier. That barrier that children have in not wanting to talk back to their parents when their parents denies their wants without giving a reason. It is the same barrier that friends don't criticize each other honestly when they hear something they don't agree with. The barrier that students don't cross even though they feel their teacher is being unreasonable. A barrier that is constructed of bricks of courtesy and cemented with the inculcated values of respect. A barrier that is so counter-intuitive to break through because we are brought up to revere social courtesy, respect for elders and consideration for others.
So the cauldron of resentment continues to seeth and boil. More and more instances of disagreements occur and the bitterness just continues to buildup. All this does not appear on the surface though. After all, it's all hidden behind the barrier. Turbulent currents stir beneath calm waters.
Finally, it reaches a point when the tide of resentment is strong enough to break through the psychological dams. But it's not like opening a door; the dam crumbles and tides explode through the cracks. Hurtful things are said, and the truth is too much to bear. Months of resentment and bitterness is poured out and new realizations are reached about one another. The relationship is scarred permanently, if not ended. And so what seems like a strong and long relationship is shattered in a single moment by a single trigger.
Children and parents. Students and teachers. Girlfriend and boyfriend. Brother and sister. Friends. Family.
So the question is: do we solve things after the explosion or before the explosion? Preventive or curative? Does a preventive measure merely delay the explosion? Can a curative measure heal a scar?
think i'd favor a curative measure. after things explode, everything is out and a heavy weight is removed. things are much clearer. after all, things are much more honestly said sometimes when u're heated and angry than when u're calm, collected and reflective of ur words and actions. then the thing is... so what do u do in the meantime? if u're aware of the buildup, and things aren't at the point where the explosion is ready, then do u wait until it builds up to that point? i'm inclined to think so but that's maybe cause i'm not courageous enough to broach sensitive topics when i'm collected.
anyway, to all caring readers this post wasn't inspired by my introspection of my own buildup of resentment. i don't have any (that i'm aware of at least) for the moment and i hope it stays that way :) rather, this was triggered by tonight's cat meeting... when the adults complained abt their children talking back (most of the catechists are the older generation. ppl like me are called 'youth catechists'. distinction between the young and old is not just for show see). but as i said before, sometimes things just can't be said and children's mentalities just don't get across without the rudeness, the disrespect and the talking back. things like this are necessary sometimes just for the sake of communication. why don't they realize it? bahh pride of seniority.
Name: Foo Guo Zhong Melvyn
Age: 19+
Affiliations: MSHS (Pri), Rosyth, RI, RJC, SFX (LoG)
Bday: 14th Nov
Email: mel_protoss@hotmail.com
The evil worm that gnaws at relationships.
Things begin slowly (they usually do). That first disagreement, that initial irritation - all cast aside in favor of making things work. These small setbacks are cast aside. No not cast aside, but merely hidden away, to be recalled at a later time. They form the foundation for the tower that will encapsulate all the resentment and bitterness towards another person. Because while people can forgive, they rarely forget.
When the relationship comes to a more or less stable point (i.e. the peak of a wave perhaps), and the initial fiery passion is replaced by a sense of peace and harmony, the sinister worm begin its work. First comes awareness. Awareness of the other's wrongdoings. Awareness of your own attempts at taking an extra step in the relationship. And in that process, the awareness leads to a heightened sensitivty which in turns, adds to the increased buildup of resentment. An exponential increase in the rate of buildup of bitterness.
But then there's a barrier. It is supremely rare (and a quality to be treasured for all its worth if it's attained already) to be able to confide in one another about anything and everything. To voice out displeasure at any little thing, and to have the other understanding intuitively. A bond where words give way instinctive empathy. In most other cases, there's that barrier. That barrier that children have in not wanting to talk back to their parents when their parents denies their wants without giving a reason. It is the same barrier that friends don't criticize each other honestly when they hear something they don't agree with. The barrier that students don't cross even though they feel their teacher is being unreasonable. A barrier that is constructed of bricks of courtesy and cemented with the inculcated values of respect. A barrier that is so counter-intuitive to break through because we are brought up to revere social courtesy, respect for elders and consideration for others.
So the cauldron of resentment continues to seeth and boil. More and more instances of disagreements occur and the bitterness just continues to buildup. All this does not appear on the surface though. After all, it's all hidden behind the barrier. Turbulent currents stir beneath calm waters.
Finally, it reaches a point when the tide of resentment is strong enough to break through the psychological dams. But it's not like opening a door; the dam crumbles and tides explode through the cracks. Hurtful things are said, and the truth is too much to bear. Months of resentment and bitterness is poured out and new realizations are reached about one another. The relationship is scarred permanently, if not ended. And so what seems like a strong and long relationship is shattered in a single moment by a single trigger.
Children and parents. Students and teachers. Girlfriend and boyfriend. Brother and sister. Friends. Family.
So the question is: do we solve things after the explosion or before the explosion? Preventive or curative? Does a preventive measure merely delay the explosion? Can a curative measure heal a scar?
think i'd favor a curative measure. after things explode, everything is out and a heavy weight is removed. things are much clearer. after all, things are much more honestly said sometimes when u're heated and angry than when u're calm, collected and reflective of ur words and actions. then the thing is... so what do u do in the meantime? if u're aware of the buildup, and things aren't at the point where the explosion is ready, then do u wait until it builds up to that point? i'm inclined to think so but that's maybe cause i'm not courageous enough to broach sensitive topics when i'm collected.
anyway, to all caring readers this post wasn't inspired by my introspection of my own buildup of resentment. i don't have any (that i'm aware of at least) for the moment and i hope it stays that way :) rather, this was triggered by tonight's cat meeting... when the adults complained abt their children talking back (most of the catechists are the older generation. ppl like me are called 'youth catechists'. distinction between the young and old is not just for show see). but as i said before, sometimes things just can't be said and children's mentalities just don't get across without the rudeness, the disrespect and the talking back. things like this are necessary sometimes just for the sake of communication. why don't they realize it? bahh pride of seniority.